So over the past two months I have struggled with a very sick son, not leting the kids fall behind in school, still keeping up a full time schedule and trying to "fix" Fer. I have came to the conclusion that I cant do it. I ran into a friend who introduced me to an online alanon meeting since i never have any time to go to a face to face meeting.
Today was day 1 atthe meeting and I tell you what the first day has completely changed my life! I have learned so much in this class, I think I will go every day! I feel so not alone there! These people have been through the exact same things I am going through, they have wonderful advice, and ways to change my thoughts from fixing him and onto fixing me. I am going to start working on the same steps that he is working on, and just apply them to my life. I have to give up the "fix it mottos" that I have and start trying to just move on.
For so many months now I feel like I have been on pause, well its time to push play!
TOnight I learned two or three of the cheesiest saying but they have really stuck with me, I was so focused on him, the say " hocus pocus change your focus" and I told them going through the day smileing makes me feel like im lieing to myself because on the inside I dont feel that way, they say " fake it till you make it "!
I sent ferlin a text letting him know that I loved him, and I hope he gets things right, so now all I can do is find the courage to push play!
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