Just another day.

So Jordan has not been having very good days, he seems to feel awful anymore. Were just hanging in there till our next appointment with Dr Kendall. He seems to be throwing up anymore alot which he wasn't able to do. Every since they dilated him he seems worse.

Fer had his appointment today with Lisa his Life Coach. That's what their calling her now. I loved the fact that she let me come back there with him and seem to really understand me. She seemed to be able to communicate with Fer and let him know how i was feeling in a way he seems to be totally accepting to which was great. He said very nice things about me in there, I'm not sure if that was to make me feel better or because that was what he genuinely wanted me to know.

He has to keep calling the CSU to try to get into the rehab program they have there for 21 days, hes still doing AA meetings even though the last couple days he has made an excuse not to go which kinda concerns me. He has an appointment with The Dr at the Helen Ross Mcnabb center on the 9th and with the Social Security Office on the 10th, so things are moving along quickly. I think that's good for him, seeing things rolling along.

The Girls softball got rained out which really sucks because I had someone agree to work over for me so I could watch all of Mariah's game this time. Seems like my luck!


Well off to work again, just another day.

So Not Happy

Fer had an appointment today at this new life coach's place in Knoxville. We were up there nearly 2 and a half hours before we were told she wasn't in. Do you know how angry I was! We had asked numerous times how much longer and it wasn't until we was there for 2 hours that someone actually started looking into things!

When we got home the kids had got new bath suits. Oh my lord at Mariahs, it was this lime green string bikini. Yep, I about flipped out. Mom actually said that's how there making them now?? Oh no! there is no way my lil girls going out in that now, I don't care how old shes getting and if it was in the juniors section or not. I simply laughed and said " um, I don't even think so", yea so she wasn't happy, but that's okay if it means my 12 year old, stays a 12 year old!

Wow what is this world coming to, whatever happen to modesty! Yeah I had a pretty not so good day but its sorta like that Kurt Franklin song says " aint no one gonna take my Joy away". I'm liking this little constant happy dance I'm in now!

Meditations, Procedures, and Sesame Street???

I have to tell you what my girls said last night. Mariah seen me reading my new meditation book. and was like wow mom does that mean your going to sit with your legs crossed and say olmmmm with your eeys closed, when I left I guess that Hannah thought it was wrong because she matter of factly said no Mariah silly, meditation is where your float up in the air. I think I about died laughing so hard, they both just stared blankly!

Wow talk about a great cheer up last night! Man I love my babies. Ball games tonight with Hannah. Yea! That is about all I have to do today, ugh that means my day is going to creep by, espically with me thinking about Jordans procedure tomorrow, which is full blown surgery in my opinion. After all he will be put to sleep and they will be doing an invasive procedure, how much more surgery like can you get. HELLO?? When I think about this I get sick, ugh I can imagine how hes feeling.

My new life motto wont seem to let me dwell on this very long. Fake it till ya make it right? Therefor I sing loudly.... "Sunny Days, chasing the clouds away, can you tell me how to get, how to get to sesame street" hee hee! One day at a time!

Update on Jordan

Went to the doctor for the first time, after getting back from Nashville. He is doing tremendously better but still has his bad days! I told the Dr that we would take him being sick 3 days instead of 7 any day! Our doctor is determined to get him 100 % better! So he has a dilitation appointment on the 26th, to have the fundoplication stretched again. Please keep him in your prayers for the procedure, although it is not nearly as extensive as the big surgery, they still have to put him to sleep, and no matter how small that may be a mom still worries! I will keep you updated!

The crossroads of life

I have had a really hard day today as you can tell from my previous post. Jordan has been doing okay this evening, hes still haveing bursts of nausea and some cramping. He has slept most of the day. I think I was really hard on myself earlier and if you dont know all the things in my life that i am having to deal with then I guess it doesnt make alot of since.

I have been at work all evening jordan is at home with mom and the girls. There all sound asleep and hopefully having sweet dreams. For the most part of the night I have been listening to music. Listening to some good christian music has always been able to pick me up.

I havve never really been at a crossroad in life where there are more than 2 decisions to make. i think i am so overwhelmed at the intensity the things in my life are coming at me. I dont even get one thing figured out before im making another. I talked to someone tonight who prayed with me and I was so thankful to have that person reach out and just ask me it I was okay. Of course hering the are you okay and then someone on the other end litterly down may have been a little scary! Either way I am greatful for my dear friend Carmen. I love ya girl!

Laying it down!

So Jordan had a rough morning but by night he seemed to be doing a little was better. It was really good to be able to see him eating and playing uno. Wow we had alot of visitors come up day, Jordan was really glad about that. His sisters was here! His cousin Brandon came up and they had a good time.

Dr Kendall was planning on discharging Jordan tomorrow morning. The home health company dont want him to come home with a regular iv and Dr Kendall doesnt want to put a central line in because he dont feel its nessecary. So he will be here till Monday.

Dr Carr is supposed to call him come Monday morning and hopefully we will be on our way down, there has been so many people say that today we will be discharged that we are not going to get our hopes up but still think positive!

Ferlin isnt up here like he was with Jordan the way he was last time he was in here, last time fer stayed everynight with him. Watching Jordan cry for him is really starting to get to me. Its really hard to watch Fer go through whatever he is going through when I feel like he should be here and not worry about anything else until all this with jordan is over. I think I have very strongly in not so good ways all the time told him how I feel.

I talked to someone today and he said God had given him a vision on things that were going on in my life. I have had that on my mind all day and I just feel like God is working with our family right now on many levels and if the end outcome isnt what I thought it would be, it is what God knows it will be.

Im laying here now looking at him and I feel so awful that everyone isnt focus mainly on him. I hate that I just dont understand, and their isnt anything I can do to fix it. After yesterday and the miracle with the IV Im trying do my part by praying and laying it down. Never knew giving up things could e harder on a person!

Choices!!

Dr Kendall just left, I guess I'm a lil let down things are not happening quicker, but I'm trusting in God things are happening at the speed God intends for them to. Dr. Kendall was trying to get Jordan in at Vanderbilt or Erlanger. Our choice was Erlanger if possible its alot closer for me and my family to drive, but we would take first available.

He said he would like to get him transferred today but Vandi called him at 9 last night and said he soonest they can get him in is this coming Friday, no beds. We are still waiting on Erlanger to call but he wanted to go ahead and tell us our options. Which are:

1. We can stay here till next Friday and then transfer down there. ( Jordan said this is absolutely not an option hee hee )

2. We can try to get ahold Of Dr carr and see if they can speed things up at Erlanger so that he can go today or tomorrow.

3. He can go home with home health, I will be able to continue the iv medications that he is on myself until Friday when he goes to see Dr on Friday in Nashville.

4. We can stay here and let the surgeons here do it. ( yep, they are saying now they see the flap that needs redone and would be willing to do the surgery ). This was an option until I told him it wasn't! These surgeons have treated my family like crap! I don't trust them and I have reported them for there actions toward us. Now way are they going to do anything on Jordan!!

So this is our option as of now. Our plan is to get ahold of Carr. If we can get Jordan seen down there then I think that would be the best and if we cant we wanna take him home and do it all at home until Friday. Please keep praying that the ball keeps rolling, I think I feel most eager and nervous when the ball just stops!

Lean on ME

I am fixing to head to bed, but wanted you to know that2 hours after I heard about the prayer group for Jordan, the surgeons that we had such a hard time with came in to "apologize" and give me options and opinions, and within 30 minutes after that Dr Kendall came in to say the transfer for tomorrow would be a go as soon as he spoke with the DR down there he seen it happening within 48 hours. Lastly, I had put out a comment on facebook the IV had blown, when they replaced it, just a few minutes later it blew again! Jordan was so devastated getting stuck 3 times in one day was way to much for him to take, So they stopped the Iv and went to get another to restart and while they were gone I prayed over his hand, I prayed out loud and with demand and told Satan to get away from my son, that God already had claimed him and all this evil will stop RIGHT NOW!!! Jordan kinda giggled he dont here me pray like that often. I told Jordan to stop crying and God said we just need to ask but we have to be willing to lay it down and let God handle it... Within 20 minutes, she returned and I asked her to just try the old IV one more time, and Praise God to all of our surprise it worked!!! not only did it work but the tiny vein that she had it in had a blood return like it was inserted into one of his main veins!!

Im telling you I feel a miracles coming, I feel like this huge weight has been lifted and for the first time since all this started I could litterly feel God arms around me as if to say Im here, lean on me!

Feeling the Stress

So this morning Dr Kendall came in. He had heard about all the stuff that went on and could not be any more apologetic. He feels like his hands are tied, he has to work with these surgeons and has to somehow stay on their good side, but he 100% feels like its the fundo. The surgeon says its 100% not, I mean come on are we not looking at the same pictures.

Marilynn called her brother in Chattanooga and he suggest we have Jordan transfered to Erlanger immediately! He is some kinda big shot doctor down there and told us who to ask for and to even let him know that he was sent by him.

When we talked to Dr Kendall about it he said he feels like, hes not well enough to go home but hes not sick enough to do and emergency surgery, and that he thinks that we need to do the feeding tubes and make an appointment to get him seen. Well after last night getting him away from these surgeons is on top of my agenda! So now we wait and see what Kendall can get done..... i hate these waiting games.

SOOO STRESSED!

Furiosity killed the surgeon!!

So we have been here all day waiting for the surgeon to come in up here at ut and listened to all the excuses, he will be here at lunch, he will be here at 3, for sure at 5 when the office closes, oh he has a surgery, he has another surgery. Okay I get it things come up and things happen. As a nurse I can respect and understand that. But when that nurse walked in and said that Shes so sorry to have to tell me but the surgeon has already came up and gone, I swear I think my head spent around several times.

It is crazy to wait on someone so long, here all the promises to be here and then them not show up. Where the heck is their empathy!!! Needless to say I was beyond mad, it was one thing being treated like a nobody at his office, but to be sick enough to be admitted to the hospital and still not be special enough for him to grace us with his presence!!! OH BULL!!

Called the patient advocate and had DR Angel reported she was furious, she was like this is not even the first complaint she has had on him this week!! She filled the complaint with the chief of staff, UT board, and patient safety board. Im so glad that we have got something done. But even threw all my tears I have no idea what to do next, these are the only Doctor surgeons for peds around here.

Once again, we have hit a dead end!

Cross your fingers

Dr Kendall lifted all diet restrictions. For breakfast Jordan ate a piece of bacon....and thats it! For Lunch he ate a chicken strip... three fries... and thats it!
WOW so didnt expect that!

The consult happened at 7 this morning with Dr herd, of how I wish he was not a resident and could actually do the surgery over Dr Angel. He was so nice and seemed intrested, listened to my questions and explained everything he could. He is taking all these tests and the Endo back to Dr Angel (sigh) to see what the verdict is.

Dr Kendall came in also, he actually passed the surgeon in the hall and was able to express his concerns and even tell him what options we had if they didnt do it. When he came to talk to me he went over those options as well, which is the two tubes in his stomach, one to feed him with and one to let the air out to prevent the retching. I do not like these options and Jordan doesnt either. jordan dont cry very often, but he did last night and just does not want to be here, he dont want to leave either cause he knows he will be back up here and have to get re stuck. When I ask him what I can do he just says he dont know. Its sad.

By this evening we will know what tomorrow brings. Surgery or tubes. Please keep praying that gods will be done in this.

Test Day

Mariah stayed the night with us last night and loved it. Jordan actually loved it to, he says she is nicer to him when hes sick, but her calling him sweetie all the time seems weird!

At 10 they took him down for the Gastric Emptying test. He got to eat eggs and loved all 3 bites lol! He had to lay on a table for 60 minutes and not move!What a great job he did. At 1 they took us down for the upper GI. When I had that done, I threw up, he however drank the chalky stuff right down. Both tests came back fine. Sounds like a good thing but not really. The insane doctor from children's wanted to see what all these test showed before he made a definitive decision on weather to do the surgery!

Doctor Kendall came in at 7. Was so glad to see him, but he also didn't have any good news for us. He said he wished we could just get what he needs done over with. But trying to find a surgeon around here is not an easy task. If the doctors choose not to do the surgery then Doctor Kendalls only choice is to put a feeding tube in. After a brief cry and a it'll be ok hug he left for the night. He has a consult in to the surgeons at children's, now we wait!

Oh and Dads coming to get Mariah, phew, she is talking the nurses ears off, every one is pretty has pretty hair and pretty names, She soooo needs sleep!

Home sweet Hospital??

Got things done around the house today, kids school and clothes before I had to head up to the Dr at 1. As soon as I got up there they said Jordan had lost 4 pounds and its only been a week. He laid down in the doctors office and didn't say anything, he feels so bad.

The office sent us back to UT room 424! 4 rooms down from where we was a week ago! We had the same nurse Lucy, Jordan really likes her, she is excellent at starting Iv's and give Jordan a dollar to hold on to everytime, if he drops it or moves he has to give it back. Needless to say Jordans billfold is getting thicker!

Tests scheduled for morning. Iv fluids and Regaln and Zofran has been given every 4 hours, and adult down and together! No one came up tonight, Jordan was tired. Hopefully
better days tomorrow!

Calling Dr Kendall....

Jordan is having a rough day. I have a call into Dr Kendall to see what he wants to do about his retching and feeling so bad. When he called back he wants him up in his office tomorrow. He is probably going to stick him in the hospital to run the test the childrens Dr wanted to wait forever on, grrr.

Im just praying we get something done this time, I hate seeing him like this!

Softball With the Girlies!

We have been outside throwing ball all day. I absolutely love softball. I have played it all my life and would still be playing it if I could. I am thrilled that the girls love it just as much.

Hannah is just starting out this is her second year and how great is it to watch these lil ones learning the basics of the game. Her throwing is great and her batting is wonderful. Fielding for her is another story but hey she is learning! Gotta get that glove down!!

Mariah has played several years now. She is like me in so many ways, loves playing catcher. I was first base when I played, but I did play catcher for a year and man was it hot!Her hitting is very good. Her and the coach seem to have a disagreement sometimes with the bat she chooses. She likes them long fat bats like i did, he wants her to use a smaller one. I sit over and watched them talk about it the other day he would hold up bat and she would shake her head, then another and the same thing would happen. In the long run she ended up useing hers! She stands up for herself but we gotta work on the attitude against authority! Her catching is getting alot better, she was scared of the ball for some reason at the begining of the year but now shes getting back to her old self!

LIVE LAUGH AND PLAY BALL!

Not Gonna Happen

Went to the doctor and seen the surgeon that the doctor is wanting me to go to. We would just rather go to Nashville where we know the Doctors and know that they are great at what they do. He is afraid if Jordan has complications that Nashville would be a long ways to travel to have to get checked out. So we went and seen one at Childrens.

I had been warned about his anything but awesome bedside manner, and to tell you the truth his bedside manner wasnt the thing that made me mad. I mean he actually got along really well with Jordan. Jordan loved the office it was decked out in UT Vols. It was his insistance to do all the test over again that Dr Kendall has already done! WHY?? Im sorry but putting Jordan back through all those tests is insane when they have already been done within the last couple of weeks. Nope NOT GONNA HAPPEN. I would rather drive to Nashville then keep watching Jordan stay sick and vomiting.

Most people would consider me easy going and someone who kind is stand offish it comes to giving my opinion about things. Some situations maybe not. But this one for sure. There is something that happens inside you when it comes to situations with your kids. The need to fight for them becomes the most important thing. I think I can speak for any mom out there when I say "DONT MESS WITH MY KID".

My awesome little guy....

Jordan went down to surgery this morning around 8. He wasn't scared and seemed fine. What a awesome lil guy he is. So many prayers were going up thanks for that, you can never have to many of those. Dr Kendall, which totally rocks, came in and said that if everything goes good that we could leave soon after it was over, and after being in the hospital for a night we were ready to get out of there.

Surgery went down good, he was quick to awaken after it and starved to death! He was taken up to his room and released. The doctor said he can eat or drink anything as tolerated so we let him pick the restaurant and he picked Red Robins! He loves there French fries and chicken!

Hes already had to have phenergan twice since we left so this is not a good start :(. I hope for him that this is going to work, but we are preparing for the worst and doing our research as to if we will go to Vanderbilt or Jacksonville, if this does not work.

Please Keep praying!!

Sick days...

Jordan is feeling so bad. He had a day that was so bad yesterday it was unreal. After talking to Dr Kendall. He wanted to admit him. We just got admited to the hospital and are settleing in. Its cute watching Jordan tell the nurses where things are when they try to orient him to the room. We have been here so much that it is starting to feel like our vacation home... give or take the iv's.

He just got his IV in and what a trooper he is, he didnt even flinch. Of course it helps that the nurse gave him a dollar to hold onto! He walked down to the gift shop with us a few minutes ago ad was looking for a wrestleing magazine, he came up empty handed so we may have to put in a call to nana!

Long night ahead before the surgery in the morning. Hope he will get some rest! These sick days suck!

Blessings, Bunnies, and Bats

Happy Easter. After several sad and angry posts I think Im back to my own self again! I am determined to make the most of a wonderful Easter day. All I wanna do is rush home and see the kiddos find there basket and enjoy themselves.

We told Mariah yesterday who about santa and the Easter Bunny. I think we have done a pretty good job keeping such a secret. I can remember how I found out. Seeing mom roll that bike in the living room. Such a devistation. Mariah will be 13 this year, lol, yep she is a little old, but you want to keep there innocence as long as possible. She took it well, maybe she sorda had an idea, after all most of her friends dont believe in this. Ahhhh.... shes growing up.

I really wished jordan felt better than what he did. i look forward to the 7th when they can get him in and get the surgery done. I pray it works, I hate the thoughts of going to another hospital like we did when he was 2. So sad for him... But his spirits are great!

We had a little birthday party over at Taras today, Tristian turns 2 on Easter Sunday! We got her a little tee with bat and balls. The set come with 2 balls. I sat one on the tee and Bella was holding one. When I handed Tristan the bat and told her to hit the ball, I am guessing she assumed the one Bella was holding cause she walked right up to her and clunked little Mrs Bella in the head. (ummmm sorry about that). I do think give or take a swat or two in the wrong direction the party was very successful.

Going into this Easter day I feel fortunate and so greatful to be the child of the most high father, to have my life saved and know what Love is. Forgive me Lord for getting in the hustle of the world, and forgeting to take the time out to be still and just know that you have a plan. Thank you Lord for loving me enough to be nailed to a cross, thank you Lord for loving me enough to die for me, and thank you Lord for rising so that we shall have eternal life with you. Forgive me Lord for sinned, I am so thankful you have came into my heart and saved me!

Easter bunnies and Egg hunts are super, but lets not forget the real reason we are clebrateing today, and its not to see Peter Cottontail come hoping down the bunny trail.

Just Another Day As a Homeschool MOM!!

Wow our day has been crazy as of now, we got up at 6:30 to get ready for a doctors appointment this morning. Fun fun! When we got home we went straight to the Library to start on some work. They hate going to the library,lol. It seems though it is the only place that I can get them to really hunker ( is that a word, hee hee) down and really get some work done.

So were here now and its already like 1, we have been here a couple hours. As I sit here I can see them talking, the loud cough at least gets there attention. Then comes the look, oh they know the look, the one that says if you don't stop and do your work you are in soooooo much trouble. The look that says you best get your butt in gear or everything you know and love will cease to exist except bread, water, and school! They get "that look". With a Quick nod there back with there eyes on the paper at least attempting to do there work!

Once we leave here Mariah has Drama Class tonight, she LOVES drama class. It is a class she can dance and get some of her energy out. All Christian Drama, such a moving presentation when the perform. Its awesome to see them enjoy themselves and deliver a powerful message all at once.

I think that's all we have planned for the night, at least I hope. Considering the s decided to pull a late nighter and stay up as late as they wanted, despite many "looks" and discipline, the fact they got up at 6 this morning they are dragging! HA HA! Next time you will go to bed!

Now its time to go grade some papers and see how big of a fire I can light under their seats to attempt to get them hustleing, without the librarian smelling smoke! Wish me luck!